1. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
2. 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
3. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
4. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
5. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
6. If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
7. Best file compression around: \DEL *.*\ 100% compression
8. The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
9. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
10. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
11. BUFFERS20 FILES15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
12. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
13. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay...
14. Every solution breeds new problems.
15. As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
16. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
17. Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
18. All computers wait at the same speed.
19. DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
20. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
21. Everyone will experience the consequences of his own acts. If his acts are right, he'll get good consequences; if they're not, he'll suffer for it. (Harry Browne)
22. Whatever our creed, we feel that no good deed can by any possibility go unrewarded, no evil deed unpunished. (Orison Swett Marden)
23. You cannot do wrong without suffering wrong. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
24. Choose the way of life. Choose the way of love. Choose the way of caring...Choose the way of goodness. It's up to you. It's your choice. (Leo Buscaglia)
25. The great successful men of the world have used their imagination...they think ahead and create their mental picture in all its details, filling in here, adding a little there, altering this a bit and that a bit, but steadily building-steadily buildings. (Robert Collier)
26. Each time you are honest and conduct yourself with honesty, a success force will drive you toward greater success. Each time you lie, even with a little white lie, there are strong forces pushing you toward failure. (Joseph Sugarman)
27. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them. (George Bernard Shaw)
28. Success doesn't come to you...you go to it. (Marva Collins)
29. The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are. (John Burroughs)
30. Every situation, properly perceived, becomes an opportunity. (Helen Schucman)
31. What this power is I cannot say; all I know is that it exists and it becomes available only when a man is in that state of mind in which he knows exactly what he wants and is fully determined not to quit until he finds it. (Alexander Graham Bell)
32. The golden opportunity you are seeking is in yourself. It is not in your environment; it is not in luck or chance, or the help of other; it is in yourself alone. (Orison Swett Marden)
33. I do not think there is any other quality so essential to success of any kind as the quality of perseverance. It overcomes almost everything, even nature. (John D. Rockefeller)
34. The cure for all the ills and wrongs, the cares, the sorrows, and the crimes of humanity, all lie in the one word 'love'. It is the divine vitality that everywhere produces and restores life. (Lydia Maria Child)
35. Life in abundance comes only through great love. (Elbert Hubbard)
36. Love is the immortal flow of energy that nourishes, extends and preserves. Its eternal goal is life. (Smiley Blanton)
37. What force is more potent than love. (Igor Stravinsky)
38. Problems are only opportunities in work clothes. (Henry J. Kaiser)
39. Opportunities? They are all around us...there is power lying latent everywhere waiting for the observant eye to discover it. (Orison Swett Marden)
40. Most successful men have not achieved their distinction by having some new talent or opportunity presented to them. They have developed the opportunity that was at hand. (Bruce Barton)
41. We don't need more strength or more ability or greater opportunity. What we need is to use what we have. (Basil S. Walsh)
42. Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not something to be waited for; but, rather something to be achieved. (William Jennings Bryan)
43. Opportunity rarely knocks on your door. Knock rather on opportunity's door if you ardently wish to enter. (B.C. Forbes)
44. Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity. (Joseph Sugarman)
45. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. (Albert Einstein)
46. A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds. (Francois Bacon)
47. There is no future in any job. The future lies in the man who holds the job. (George Crane)
48. Opportunity...often it comes in the form of misfortune, or temporary defeat. (Napoleon Hill)
49. The price of success is perseverance. The price of failure comes cheaper. (Anonymous)
50. Adversity reveals genius, prosperity conceals it. (Horace)
51. I contend that dishonesty will create a failure force that often manifests itself in other ways - ways not apparent to the outside observer. (Joseph Sugarman)
52. Force, and fraud, are in war the two cardinal virtues.
53. War is the great scavenger of thought.
54. War is the supreme drama of a completely mechanized society.
55. The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it.
56. Anyone who has ever looked into the glazed eyes of a soldier dying on the battlefield will think hard before starting a war.
57. There is nothing so subject to the inconstancy of fortune as war.
58. War is regarded as nothing but the continuation of politics by other means.
59. It takes twenty years or more of peace to make a man; it takes only twenty seconds of war to destroy him.
60. I'm trying to die correctly, but it's very difficult, you know.
61. All men think all men mortal, but themselves.
62. Life yields only to the conqueror. Never accept what can be gained by giving in. You will be living off stolen goods, and your muscles will atrophy.
63. I dream, therefore I exist.
64. Society often forgives the criminal; it never forgives the dreamer.
65. He who sleeps half a day has won half a life.
66. While the doctors consult, the patient dies.
67. Friends are like fiddle strings, they must not be screwed too tight.
68. A friend to all is a friend to none.
69. The calmest husbands make the stormiest wives.
70. The shortest answer is doing.
71. To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming.
72. When the sword of rebellion is drawn, the sheath should be thrown away.
73. The mob has many heads but no brains.
74. Speak not of my debts unless you mean to pay them.
75. A blind man will not thank you for a looking-glass.
76. He that is born to be hanged shall never be drowned.
77. A country can be judged by the quality of its proverbs.
78. Flattery makes friends and truth makes enemies.
79. Life without a friend is death without a witness.
80. Translators, traitors.
81. If a man deceives me once, shame on him; if he deceives me twice, shame on me.
82. The nail that sticks up will be hammered down.
83. There are many paths to the top of the mountain, but the view is always the same.
84. Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.
85. Of all the thirty-six alternatives, running away is best.
86. There is hope from the sea, but none from the grave.
87. When the apple is ripe it will fall.
88. Marry a mountain girl and you marry the whole mountain.
89. Life is a bridge. Cross over it, but build no house on it.
90. It is better to sit down than to stand, it is better to lie down than to sit, but death is the best of all.
91. If your buttocks burn, you know you have done wrong.
92. A wise man hears one word and understands two.
93. The course of true love never did run smooth.
94. If there were no God, it would be necessary to invent him. - Voltaire
95. The king [Frederic] has sent me some of his dirty linen to wash; I will wash yours another time. - Voltaire
96. Men use thought only as authority for their injustice, and employ speech only to conceal their thoughts. - Voltaire
97. History is little else than a picture of human crimes and misfortunes. - Voltaire
98. The first who was king was a fortunate soldier: Who serves his country well has no need of ancestors. - Voltaire
99. In the best of possible worlds the château of monseigneur the baron was the most beautiful of châteaux, and madame the best of possible baronesses. - Voltaire
100. In this country [England] it is well to kill from time to time an admiral to encourage the others. - Voltaire
101. The superfluous, a very necessary thing. - Voltaire
102. Crush the infamous thing. - Voltaire
103. There are truths which are not for all men, nor for all times. - Voltaire
104. The proper mean. - Voltaire
105. It is said that God is always on the side of the heaviest battalions. - Voltaire
106. Love truth, but pardon error. - Voltaire
107. No man is justified in doing evil on the ground of expediency. - Theodore Roosevelt
108. A man who is good enough to shed his blood for his country is good enough to be given a square deal afterward. More than that no man is entitled to, and less than that no man shall have. - Theodore Roosevelt
109. I wish to preach not the doctrine of ignoble ease, but the doctrine of the strenuous life. - Theodore Roosevelt
110. Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--/ I took the one less traveled by,/And that has made all the difference. -Robert Frost
111. So on we worked, and waited for the light,/And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;/And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,/Went home and put a bullet through his head. -from Richard Corey by E.A. Robinson
112. Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary/Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,/While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,/As of some one gently rapping. - The Raven, E.A. Poe
113. Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December;/And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor. - The Raven, E.A. Poe
114. And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain/Thrilled me filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before. - The Raven, E.A. Poe
115. Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing,/Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dreamed before. - The Raven, E.A. Poe
116. Perched upon a bust of Pallas, just above my chamber door,/Perched, and sat, and nothing more. - The Raven, E.A. Poe
117. Whom unmerciful disaster/Followed fast and followed faster. - The Raven, E.A. Poe
118. Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!/Quoth the Raven, Nevermore. - The Raven, E.A. Poe
119. And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor/Shall be lifted--Nevermore! - The Raven, E.A. Poe
120. Those who dream by day are more cognizant of things which escape those who dream by night - E.A. Poe
121. I may not agree with a word you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it - Voltaire
122. Ye have locked yeselves up in cages of fear; and, behold, do ye now complain that ye lack freedom. -Lord Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst, K.S.C., Epistle to the Paranoids, The Honest Book of Truth
123. Three rings for the Elven-kings under the sky, Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone, Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die, One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne In the land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. One Ring to rule them all, One ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them, In the Land of Mordor where Shadows lie. -JRR Tolkien
124. Live long, and prosper - Vulcan Saying
125. I swear - by my life and my love of it - that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine. - John Galt, Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
126. Suppose you were an idiot...And suppose you were a member of Congress...But I repeat myself - Mark Twain
127. Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. - Robin Williams
128. Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography. - Paul Rodriguez
129. Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan. - A. Whitney Brown
130. You know, the scud missle is kinda like the smart bomb. What you do is launch it from the back of your pickup truck, then race home, turn on CNN and see where it lands. (Hysterical laughter) If K-Mart were a weapons dealer, they would make the scud missle. - Sam Kinison
131. The current temperature at the airport is 68 degrees, which is stupid, because I don't know anybody that lives at the airport. - George Carlin as Al Sleet the Hippie Dippie Weather Man
132. I used to be Irish Catholic, but now I'm an American, you know, you grow. - George Carlin
133. Many that live deserve death. And some die that deserve life. Can you give it to them? - Gandalf the Grey - JRR Tolkien
134. MARTHA'S WAY: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes. MY WAY:Buy Hungry Jack Mash Potato Mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
135. Man's unique reward, however, is that while animals survive by adjusting themselves to their background, man survives by adjusting his background to himself - Ayn Rand
136. The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any- price, peace-at-any- price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life - Theodore Roosevelt
137. What do we mean by patriotism in the context of our times? I venture to suggest that what we mean is a sense of national responsibility ... a patriotism which is not short, frenzied outbursts of emotion, but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime - Adlai Stevenson
138. I have only ever made one prayer to God, a very short one: \"O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.\" And God granted it. Voltaire
139. They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety - Benjamin Franklin
All quotes and clippings are the works of their respective authors. As for the quotes without an author, I am unaware of their source, and would appreciate anyone letting me know who wrote them, and taking them as public domain. This collection was arranged by me from a mass of sources, and anyone is free to take from it. The code which displays theses quotes is also free, and its a conglomeration of other code snippets.