Shoes, a bit more TV junk, FAFSA, et cetera
Topic: Daily Info

Blessed are the stained glass, window pane glass.
Blessed is the church service makes me nervous
Blessed are the penny rookers, Cheap hookers, Groovy lookers.
O Lord, Why have you forsaken me?
I have tended my own garden
Much too long.
Blessed, Simon and Garfunkel

So the "pump" shoes are back again. I had a pair once, long, long ago, and they sucked. They lasted a year before I had shredded them to pieces.

Now the Vans I graduated in from high school, those were some shoes. Two years I beat the living hell out of those shoes, many, many miles I walked. I'd probably still be wearing them if I hadn't decided to hang them up after graduation.

Anyways. I'd go further into my no TV pledge with a bigger elaboration and explanation, but I don't rightly feel like it. If I have time this spring break or this summer, I'll go over it in greater detail and apply some heavy logic to it. Someone remind me.

Only one more FAFSA dealy to fill out. Which is nice, since I find the thing to be a massive pain in the ass. I know it's a government website, but for how many people use it, they could drastically simplify the process.

On a side note, I have made some good progress on the paradigm essay. Pushing about 15 pages at the moment, yet I haven't even covered half of what I want to cover with it.

A few thoughts before bed
Topic: Rambling

I had this interesting thought as I was reading before going to bed. It's something I've mulled over much since I first saw the idea in a Slashdot discussion (I'm not going to look it up, the archives are too big). And I've made a decision upon it:

If/when/{insert other conditional here} I have children, I'm giving up television. There will be no watching of the idiot box unless they're watching it with me.

Why? Well, lots of reasons, here are a few:

First, for all I read, I used to hate it and I was rather poor at it for a while (I learned to read very early, then never further developed my habits). I then picked it up, and became the kind of person that could consume an 800 page hardcover book in a few days (recently, The Dark Tower). I want my kids to be able to do that. They can read all they want, and anything they want, after I've given it a bit of scrutiny.

Second, things like Fox "News", "American Idol", etc. Basically anything Fox puts out shy of "The Simpsons", "Family Guy", and "Futurama". Fox has always sucked in terms of television, and those three shows were the exceptions to the rule.

Third, I want my kids to be fully capable of critical thought and insightful analysis. These are things television in general does not do (Sesame Street used to be an exception, but lately it has turned into a marketing venture for toys). I gained my reasoning ability from my family and from the books that I read that challenged me to think critically about things.

Fourth, it'll save me a lot of money. Books, magazines, etc are significantly cheaper than a cable bill.

Fifth, no "Tickle-Me-Elmo"-like madness. I won't have to buy new toys (I wouldn't anyways, my parents knocked that one into my head pretty solidly) whenever a show puts out a new toy.

Sixth, quiet. I know kids naturally run around and make lots of noise. But if reading time also happens to be right around when Dad comes home from work, Dad can relax, reading is a quiet activity.

Seventh, I want my kids to be smarter than myself. For the purpose of explaining this one, I shall invent a new measure: Knowledge Density. Based loosely on Energy Density as it relates to energy storage mediums (batteries and fuels), it follows the same idea. Knowledge Density is the amount of knowledge in a given volume of an information medium. Television has a very low Knowledge Density, as does the Internet as it currently stands. Books (of the thought provoking variety), magazines and such, by nature have a high Knowledge Density, as they have to be really packed with information to warrant their costs (a few exceptions aside, such as tabloids, which will be banned in my house).

My kids might have a slightly tougher time in school as they are not absorbed into pop culture, but I would think all those benefits (the ones selfish on my part aside) would more than outweigh that.

Thbbbbbppppptttttt
Topic: Daily Info

Ebeh ...

I want to get back to writing my two books (the one about computers and the sci-fi book), but I never seem to have any damn time to do it in. By the time I get caught up with homework, I'm dead tired or working or something generally menial and uninteresting.

Speaking of the computer book, I think I'll post one of the appendices as an independent article here first so I can flesh it out further. In short, it's about the abuse and misuse of paradigms in the world of computers, a bit of my feelings on languages, their misuse, and agnosticism of language (although I may spin that one into it's own appendix essay).

On other fronts, I got the server back up and running which makes me fell better. It is my main backup device (holds the CVS server as well as a huge data-sink). It is still named Jet. Now if I could find time to get Bebop up and installed and Ophelia (the name I chose for the other one) to at least farging boot (although if it remains dead, it'd be awfully close to its namesake).

Yeah, that's it. You can carry on with your business now.

Know
Topic: Daily Info

One hundred years ago, this man changed the face of science. Not the strange old Princeton sage that people market the hell out of, this young man. He was just five years older than I am now. And yet, no one person has topped his accomplishments in that six-month span.

Four simple papers, and everything changed. Yes, even then he was still a pacifist, great humorist, and a humanitarian. But he was a man struggling to survive, wokring long days and scribbling into the night, pulling hints from his cup of tea (stirring a cup of tea gave him inspiration to give a proof of Brownian motion, which was just warming up for Albert).

So don't quote Einstein like its some mystic anti-science thing. For Einstein, using science to understand the universe was looking directly at god. Einstein just wanted to have an idea of what god was thinking. "God does not play dice" was Einstein's conviction not in a divine plan, but rather that god played by nice, regular rules.

Anyway, remember that young man at 26, not the old sage at 72 when you think of quiet genius and studious thought. Think of the old sage when you want to think of humility and humanity. For more Einstein, try here.

Oh yeah. Guess which city is the most tech-savvy in the country? No, not in California. It's Minneapolis. Why? Go grab a copy of PopSci and find out why. Snd it really doesn't suprise me as much as it surprised Paul and David.

Dropped && Anger
Topic: Rambling && Daily Info

Well, had to drop the History of Science course. Not a really big deal, I didn't need it for anything and losing the three credits in no way affects my graduation (I was going to wind up with a few over 124). I just couldn't keep up with the 100 or so pages for it a week plus the 20 or 30 from each of my other classes. I need to pass these CSci classes. Ah well, you can't have it all.

...

I guess you could say I'm angry. I won't deny it, I can be frighteningly angry at times. And I guess I show it a lot, at least here on my little corner of the web. Shannon is right in that assesment, that I am a man of layers. If I remember her phrasing: "On the outside you have this happy layer, then underneath it you are bitter. Below that you are really angry. But under it all you have a soft, gooey center that's like a delicious cookie."

I dunno. I'm an idealist folks, and I just get so frustrated that so many just don't get it. I've only ever made self-consistent logical arguments based on solid facts, yet so many would seek to crush my arguments. My best analogy is to try to imagine a wild animal used to roaming around and then being forced into an over-small cage and you get a sense of my frustration.

I do think I am mostly happy, though. I get so much joy out of writing little bits of software, papers on CS topics, and articles. I can think of no better way to spend an afternoon than watching a baseball game. I watch comedies until the sun comes up. I could go for hours on end about these things that make me happy. It's just that by the time I get to writing for this blog that any happiness I have has been eroded down by a harsh world. Bad drivers, rude people, the Republicans on campus, all of it wears at that happy layer. Then, by the time I've finished homework, I'm dead tired. I get five hours a night of sleep if I am very lucky. So by the time I set to writing here, I'm down into those bitter and angry layers.

I would talk on end here about all the things I work on, but many would not follow me, and I may as well have kept the things to myself. It's hard knowing what I do and being able to communicate it to those outside of my profession.

There are some bridges I have to tend to, although, I may let them fall to pieces. I begin to wonder if it is worth the effort to hold my end fast. They wouldn't be the first bridges to come undone on me.

Ehhh, punchy?
Topic: Rambling

He had no friends, he seldom spoke
And no one in turn ever spoke to him,
'Cause he wasn't friendly and he didn't care
And he wasn't like them. Oh, no!
He was a most peculiar man.
A Most Peculiar Man, Simon and Garfunkel

Can someone tell me why children are implicitly encouraged to make fun of other children who show aptitude in mathematics and science? Don't believe me? Why is so much money poured into students who more or less shun academic activity to engage in purely athletic ventures? Why is there always money available for athletics, and if money becomes tight, the community surges to give money that goes primarily to athletics, while various academic and artistic areas are cut?

And these fuckers expect these kids to save them? Right.

Ah yes, Valentine's Day. And I don't have to spend a thin dime on anyone. Besides, why does it have to be some happy special day? Fucking Hallmark.

So while everyone is busy running about, I'll quietly go to work, do some homework, go to class, come home, finish said homework, and go to bed. It'll be another 24 hour span just like every other day. The only big change is I won't have to watch anymore commercials for arrangements of gold and regularly crystalline carbon.

Remember those days in elementary school where you had to pass about valentines to everyone? I always had many less, perhaps only a small handful from a class of 30, than others. It hurts a kid, deep down, where the psyche is still raw. Just another notch upon the card for those that shunned me and a small group of others. For those that were farther out than myself, I feel truly sorry for them now; and I feel deep regret for any part I had in their ostracizing, small as it was. If I could take back some of my words and actions, I would, even if that would put me further towards the fringe; for that would be the better place to stand morally. If they still do this Valentine's shit in schools, I think my heart would crack with sorrow for all those kids like me. No person deserves that; we all bleed the same, we all hurt. Call it de-Christianizing schools (as un-Christian as this "holiday" has become), I call it feeling for others, especially those on the out whose voices are often drowned in the din.

I despise what this day has done to many. I despise what it subliminally tells many: you need a partner or you are a failure, and you must spend ridiculously sums on things to show love. Fuck Hallmark. Fuck DeBeers and their bloody monopoly. Fuck them all.

Here is my valentine to the world. To those who have been pushed to the side, to those whose card boxes are nearly empty, to those alone: I know the place that you stand very well, and my compassion goes to you, not just today, but everyday. To them and for them I expend my energy to make the changes to eradicate that place, so that no other has to feel that barren space.

I said I would try to have fun with this goofy day by fucking with people caught in its machinations. I have changed my mind. I'd rather pound and hammer upon the machines, loosen fasteners, and jam the gears. I'd rather topple the great machine than ridicule it.

And to any future girlfriends of mine: I will show you my affection every day of the year with my words and actions. No special days for me to save it all and spend upon chocolates and paper. No discrete packets of affection but a continuous stream. To give you my warmth when it is cold, my strength when you are weak, my compassion when you hurt, my joy always, and my thoughts when you are away.

A general good day to you all. Hope the snow doesn't make things too shitty for the early commute. I'll be heading out after it.

Numbing
Topic: Daily Info

My mind is set on overdrive
The clock is laughing in my face
A crooked spine
My senses dulled
Passed the point of delirium

On my own... here we go
Brain Stew, Green Day

Yeah, I'll try to never do that again. That was fucking intense. It's one thing to stay up all night and then fuck about at home, but another to go to classes, take notes and participate in discussions. Killer. And to top it off, I think my essay was a total piece of shit.

I was getting pretty bad by the end of the night, as anyone who talked to me could attest to. By the time I went to bed, I was starting to lose chunks of time as large as ten minutes, just randomly interspersed. I vaguely remember having leftover beef stroganov for dinner, then some show, Good Eats, then about ten minutes of Family Guy, then getting undressed and waking up on Friday at 12:00. I still feel off today, a little discombobulated, like I'm a whole day behind everyone else. I dunno.

Got three assignments due by Tuesday, but if I grind at them today, Sunday and Monday, I should be fine. The one is basically done and I'm doing it in a group, and as much as I hate shifting a bit of work to them, I'll more than make up for it later. Besides, I should get some kind of break for taking 12 credits worth of graduate level classes.

Oh yeah, if you have a fairly new computer (GHz clock or better), a bunch of RAM, and leave your computer on for long stretches of time, look into these following links. Maybe we can help find a cure for some disease.

Folding@Home
United Devices

Anyway, I might have something more to write tomorrow, but in all likelihood, not really.

And a quick apology to all those people that I was an ass to on Thursday and Friday.

EOF

Forced Insomnia
Topic: Daily Info

Yup, I have now been up since around 8:45 am on Wednesday. Going on 20 hours and 04 minutes by my clock. My fault for putting off this stupid paper until today. I mostly finished it around three, three-thirty, but considering I get up at six, I figured I may as well stay up the whole time and just go home early tomorrow. Better to stay up, feel less like shit. Ah well, at least I can catch up on sleep for Friday and then try to stay on top of things more for next time.

Yeesh, my mind is already wandering about. It's gonna be tough slogging through until I hand in this paper.

Wish me luck.

New Year
Topic: Daily Info

Anbon reminded me just a bit ago, Happy New Year to my Chinese friends out there.

Ehh
Topic: Rambling

Don't talk of love,
Well, I've heard the word before.
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I Am A Rock, Simon and Garfunkel

Ayuh, ayuh, ayuh.

So tired. So bored. So ... well, you can figure it out.

"I am a man in a desert. My throat is parched." I'll quote that because someone probably said it. If I ever figure out to whom I should attribute it, I'll never get around to change this. This will most likely remain fixed here.

So take that metaphor and see how it fits onto my life. I can see it, can you?

Yeeesh. I wish I could read women better. And I'll leave that one at that as well.

Fucking heartburn.

Perhaps I'll pack up this little blog. Just lock it away and forget about it and let it rot on some web server somewhere. Perhaps. And perhaps I'll continue on here. Perhaps I'll continue to bark out my anger and disgust and dark things.

Perhaps.

...

Fuck.