Fuck beans
Topic: Rambling && Daily Info

Well, I done gone and royally fucked up the Linux install on my laptop. Ah well, its not like I had anything crucial on it. And besides, I'm asking for a beating trying to put Linux on something as arcane as a laptop. Contrary to popular opinion, there's lots of funny hardware on laptops that is hard to configure. You never notice it with M$ since they're in bed with all the people that make the funny little things for laptop and so they know the secrets to make it work. For outsiders (namely *nix: Unix, Linux, *BSD) they have to figure it out the hard way and hope to whatever they hope to that the damn thing works. So I'm not really surprised that I completely wrecked it. I guess all I can do is to try and reinstall it in the morning. All I can say is that whatever happens, no M$ product shall ever again touch my laptop.

On another note. Did you know that the purpose of the bill of rights and the entire Constitutional amendment process was designed solely to protect the minority of citizens? That's right. You see, the Constitution itself guarantees that the majority is right 99.999%, except when it comes into conflict with the amendments. The amendments are there to clearly spell out things not in the Constitution guaranteeing rights. So pass any amendment, no matter how much the majority wants it, no matter how much it might be moral, no matter whatever the concern is, if it defeats the rights of the minority, it defeats the process of the amendment system. Make sense? I know its confusing, but then again, its simple if you think about it logically.

And I'm going to sack it in now before I completely loose it and being speaking gibberish (yes, I know it seems like I do that a lot anyways).

Later.

Failure
Topic: Rambling && Daily Info

I failed the good kernel today, or more accurately, my laptop failed the good kernel. Fuck. Stupid POS DVD drive is failing, and now its making funny noises. I know its not from trying to use burned CD's, since I've used them before, and I got the Linux to install on a much older machine. Ah well, still stuck with Windows.

Oh yeah, Piccolo's hard drive failed out completely today. I'll have to take it out on Monday and replace the SCSI drives and reinstall Windows. Sadness. So much sadness. But, at least I got one machine to install Linux, I just think I need to give up on trying to put it on a laptop. Maybe I'll buy a new CD-RW/DVD for the thing, and then it might be able to load Linux, and then I can get the good kernel on it. Or maybe I'll dual boot it onto my desktop, or the computers I'll be getting soon from Chris's Dad, or when KJ gets his own computer and gives me my home built one back. Or maybe I'll put it on the new computer I'm going to build. I just wanted it on my laptop. {Sigh}

Anyway, I guess thats all for now.

Later.

Hmmm
Topic: Rambling && Daily Info

Yeah, I've done some heavy thinking in the last couple of days. Losing someone who isn't much older than your own father is kinda weird. I think it bothered most of us.

Lynn knew a lot of people. The procession line must've been half a mile long. And I don't think it felt real to anybody until they gave Lynn his last call (he was a volunteer fireman for a long time). I'll tell you, that was a really sad and lonely sound, that siren, out there on that hill in Kasota. The Hansen plot is more or less out there: Grandma Hansen, Uncle Harold (a Kenyon, but close enough that it doesn't matter), and now Lynn. Not sure how my Grandpa is taking all this, he won't talk about it, but its gotta hurt to have your son go before you.

Apparently I'm considered top of the family, light-years ahead of all my cousins, even the older ones. I guess I'm the smart one, with all the capacity for learning, and the curiosity. I dunno, I don't know how to deal with that. Not used to being on top, three semesters at the U have me used to being just one of a group of smart people, so that its the norm.

As I think about it, there really isn't all that much different between my family and me in the intelligence department; we're all smart. I think the difference lies in the drive for something. Part of my drive results from that really hard time in my life without friends, where there was nothing else to do but learn things, figure out how things work. The rest of them had things that they worked for, but their environment kept their goals at a different place. My goals have always been flexible. Maybe its delusions of grandeur. I don't think that those born into power really understand it. My immediate family was poor, dirt poor, for most of my conscious life, and according to my brother, for a large part of his life too. And so I want something better, bigger, greater than I have. Its a drive, a race away from poverty, away from my mom figuring out how much she and my dad would eat so my brother and I could get food. There is truth that if you have nothing, you want everything. But the things aren't the end for me, just little comforts along the way. It's the knowledge that I want, knowledge is worth more than all the oil in the middle east. Think about it for a moment, especially in the context of oil. That oil has always been there throughout human history. The peoples of that region had it in such a plentiful supply that it was cheap, and used as a lighting oil. It is not until someone figured out that you could use that oil to power more than just lamps. And then someone figured out that you could split that oil into pieces that were good at different things, some at slow burning, some at fast burning, some at lubricating and the list goes on. Yet, if someone hadn't wondered about that oil, hadn't postulated on it, hadn't played with it, it would merely be just lamp oil, and all that we know would not exist. You can tell me nature is all important, but don't get too high-and-mighty as you get into your car and drive back to your home which is filled with synthetic materials whether you like to believe it or not. All just from a bunch of someones that postulated, someones that didn't just respond to the environment, but rather sought to shape it, to make themselves independent against the randomness of nature.

Alright, time for bed, catch ya later,
JBJ, JPH, J

Maybe a little light in the dark
Topic: Rambling && Daily Info

Alright, I realize I've been focusing a lot on the negative lately, which is a sort of reflection on my moods and feelings.

It is not right. I'm falling back into that pathetic "poor me" state again, and I hate that.

So I'm looking at positive things now. I'm not going to deny the negative, that would be delusional, but I'm going to try to shift heavy focus from it.

On another note, I did get my car partially fixed today, but I need to fix the other side ASAP since the tie-rod end on that side is getting sloppy, which means its not far from breaking as well. Then I need to change the brake pads and have the alignment checked and set at a mechanic. My dad and I think we have it close, but we only have an approximation, which will suffice for getting to the mechanic. Oh yeah, my hands are still caked with the grease and I've washed them five times already. And I get to repeat the process tomorrow.

Since no one else talked to me about New Year's plans, I'm going to Chris's where there will be much hilarity and video games.

Anyway, to the positive, here's something. The picture below is of me and my buddy Max taken in the summer of 1992 for my brother's photography class at North Hennipen (he developed the photos himself). We've had max since February of 1992, he was born in December the year before. He looks about the same as he did then, but he's starting to lose his sight to cataracts. But he's my buddy, and I love him to death. He's a bit on the dumb side, but a good dog none-the-less.

Later,
JBJ, JPH, J

COOKIES!!!!!!!!!!!
Topic: Rambling && Daily Info

I'm ever upper class high society
God's gift to ballroom notoriety
I always fill my ballroom
The event is never small
The social pages say I've got
The biggest balls of all
Big Balls, AC/DC

You know what's great? Christmas cookies. You name it, I love it. My mom made all the cookies yesterday and I've been gorging myself on them since. {drooling} So good, so sweet and tasty, oh man.

And speaking of good cookies, go buy a tin of real Danish cookies (look for the Danish Royal Seal or something that says its a product of Denmark, it may even say it in Danish). Ohhh, so good. Makes the little kid in me jump up and down and stuff my face full. My Grandma Hansen used to make them all the time from a recipe she got from my Grandpa's mom. Definite Danish tradition. But my Mom can't pull it off since it's too much like pastry, and my mom is bad with pastry-like things (She once went through 15 pie crusts before my Dad stopped her and made it right the first time). So we get the cookie tins instead. So good.

Enough cookie talk for now.

I'm officialy down with school until the 20th. Now I can relax and finish up some projects I've been working on for a long time.

That's it for now, I'll talk to you all later.
JBJ, JPH, J

Uh....
Topic: Rambling && Daily Info

Gravedigger
When you dig my grave
Could you make it shallow
So that I can feel the rain
Gravedigger
Dave Matthews

LOTR: Return of the King in 2 days. Be prepared to be sad folks, the ending is decidely bittersweet, but its perfect to the story. If you haven't read the book, its just too late to cram now. But still read it anyway. In my opinion, it is the greatest piece of literature in this century. As much as I'm a Steven King fan, LOTR is just a greatness unto itself.

Yeah, tomorrow is going to suck. Suck big.

Finishing up the Average Man story. Kinda dark, but in a different manner from the Hard Man. Think "Richard Cory."

Alright, that's enough for now,
JBJ, JPH, J

Free association, thanks Carl
Topic: Rambling && Daily Info

Yeah, today was fubar. Just absolutely fubar. I don't feel like giving more details than that. And it wasn't just fubar for me, either, seems like a lot of other people were feeling fubar.

Is it bad when even the prof doesn't know what the TA's are doing? I think something is rotten in the CSci department these days.

Here's a conclusion I came to as I screamed around a corner on the interstate (rated for 45, I was probably going close to 80): Men's emotions are like freight trains. Thats is, it may seem like we do not feel, but we do. It takes a long time for a freight train to get to speed, but when it does, its loaded with power and strength, and it takes a damn long time to stop it. If a guy doesn't fit this profile, his feelings are weak or he has no control of them and they are like a train wildly switching tracks. Of myself, I would say this is true, although sometimes I get derailed by certain events.

I was just watching the "Hurt" video with the Man in Black. Wow, I liked Cash before, but this one, yeah, I don't usually weep for much, but the thing made me weep. It's incredibly powerfull, like a lot of Cash's music. The day he died, I played all the albums I had all day. Yeah, a lot of its country, but as time passes the blues takes over, especially when you get to "Hurt." If you don't feel a thing watching the video or hearing the song, you may want to check your pulse. Again, another farewell to the Man in Black.

I had a thought today: I wonder where the road ends. I gave serious thought to climbing in my car and going until either the road ended or there were no more gas stations. East, West, North or South, doesn't matter, just the going.

I turned on my stereo and ran the volume as loud as it would go and let the riffs shatter my mind. It reminded me of the concert this summer, where I walked out of the 'Dome with the world turned down, and nothing mattered. So there I listened to the grit and grind of the metal, the chords ringing around and removing the hurt, focusing me on the here and now. And it was good. God damnit it was good. I need to fixt the speakers in my car so I can make it louder. And I need another concert to hear the metal and make it all go away.

I read more on homebrewing today. I've decided that as soon as it becomes legal for me to buy some of the brewing supplies, I'm going to brew my own beer. Two kinds: a deep black stout (think Guiness) and a nice amber German lager.

Do I see the conflict in the Middle East resolved? I would be surprised if it happens in my life. The death will just keep happening. Whether it's "Coalition soldiers" or US soldiers or Iraqi civillians or Palestinian civillians or Israeli civilians. As my dad said, "This looks like Vietnam all over agian." (For reference, my dad is almost 61, he saw it all) Wanna know something? Our fault, folks, our fault, our fault, our fault. Go get a world history book and look it up. Don't delude yourself. Our fault. There I admitted the guilt. But I refuse to shoulder all the blame. We all need to hold it together. Unlike a nice guy 2000 years who said we need to get along, I cannot shoulder this big of a cross on my own. I have enough crosses of my own to bear.

I'm not unpatriotic because I demand accountability and credibility from my elected officials. I criticize to point out the flaws in the hopes that either another politician gets elected or the current ones change. I've been accused for complaining about a situation that I'm not doing anything to change. News flash, I am. I'm trying to get people involved, trying to get people to vote, to create change, to create flux, to create accountability. The corruption will continue as long as people are apathetic about it.

I try to make people think, and it's like Prometheus pushing his boulder uphill. Never ends. Never ends.

"I rage, I glaze, I hurt, I hate"

Alright, that's enough of that. I'll look at this in the rational light of day and wonder what the hell I did. Here's what I think I did: I let my thoughts flow, like Jung said to do. And I feel better.

Later,
JBJ, JPH, J